Brewing Unlikely Friendships

Lessons I’m learning from our newest release, Not to Be

by Annie Beth Donahue

In Not to Be (our most recent novel), the main character, Kathy Waters, is a literary young woman who lives in Chattanooga, Tennessee, with her artist sister, Liz. Kathy is working full-time as a journalist at a local paper, and Liz is finishing up college while holding down a side job. Their neighborhood is slightly sketchy, their bank accounts are slightly pinchy, and they are running on dreams and caffeine. Faith and religion don't even enter the equation when the definition of a good Sunday morning is sleeping in.

During a particularly pivotal part of the book (no spoilers), Kathy finds herself in a stressful situation without the support of her sister. That's when she encounters Pastor Ron Hollingsworth. She initially sizes him up as someone, despite his random act of kindness, with whom she's unlikely to have much in common.

“Thanks for buying my drink,” she said, “That was nice.”

“Don't mention it,” he shrugged. “Nothing comforts like a hot cup of caffeine.” He sipped from his steaming ceramic mug.

At least there we can agree. “What are you drinking?” Kathy asked, suddenly feeling the need for conversation.

He grinned and put down his book. “I usually carry my own British Tetley or Harney & Sons tea. Then I ask for hot water and use the milk and sugar at the condiments bar. But I always tip. No one likes a mooch.”

“You drink Tetley? That's one of my staples.”

He grinned. “Do you use a teapot?”

“Of course.”

“Then we should be friends. I’m Pastor Ron Hollingsworth.” He extended his hand.

Kathy eyed it, then slowly accepted. “Kathy Waters.”

I should have mentioned, Kathy is a serious tea drinker.

Later in the book, we see Kathy growing curious about Pastor Ron, as she is forced to reevaluate her preconceived notions about what "preachers" would be like. Pastor Ron's friendly, humorous demeanor and his genuine care and concern for Liz earn Kathy's respect.

But it all started with an in-person meeting and a small agreement over a cup of tea.

We need to get back to that way of connecting.

Our highly digital culture has, in one way, connected us, but in other ways, divided us. Because it's so easy to find people with similar interests, we find ourselves polarized by algorhythmically created echo chambers. We say things to and about people online, or through text, that we would never say to their face.

A decade ago, we were celebrating this type of technology, allowing us to "find our tribe." And there is some good to that. Communities like The Rabbit Room, for example, cultivated friendships largely through online forums and Facebook. In fact, Bandersnatch Books was born out of relationships started on the Rabbit Room website. Even though we live close to each other, our circles might never have overlapped if we'd not met each other online first.

But the value of in-person experiences wasn't neglected. Concerts and conventions solidified and embodied the relationships started online.

However, for the most part, our society has done this poorly. Not only have we found ourselves becoming polarized, we take those opposing groups and create polarity within them. This continues on, dividing us until we can’t be friends with anyone who doesn’t share our exact views and preferences.

Christians, especially, can become so entrenched in cultural Christianity (and our substitutes for all things secular) that we lose potential touchpoints with those we may most want to have meaningful dialogue with. We don't see a world that needs us to represent Christ and spread the Kingdom; we see "enemies."

How do we reach others if we've ended up so siloed? Can we, like Pastor Ron, make friends over a small agreement on the importance of tea? As Abraham Lincoln said, "Do I not destroy my enemies when I make them my friends?"

If you watch small children, you can see that they still have this skill. Two little girls playing together at the playdough table will find they both like to pretend to make cupcakes rather than just cut out shapes—instant friends. Two boys at the LEGO table find they both like Star Wars—now they're going to work together to create a Tie Fighter. When parents come for pick-up, they'll hear about their child's new friend and the goodwill expressed over the tiny things they have in common.

Books, too, can serve as a connection point. It's obvious that they can be a bridge between us and the characters they hold inside. But they can also be bridges outward, toward other people. A totally legitimate way to make a new friend in childhood was to agree on your assessment of a book. (Adults like to do this as well, but they give it an official name, like "Neighborhood Book Club.”) Can we talk about the titles we love and the concepts that have enthralled us with someone from a different walk of life?

God has given us good things—tea and books and art and sunsets—that bestow common grace on man. They sing in our hearts in every culture and context. Andrew Peterson's song, "Don't You Want to Thank Someone" says:

But when you see the morning sun
Burning through a silver mist
Don't you want to thank someone?
Don't you want to thank someone for this?

As Christians, we know Who we want to thank. Some of our neighbors, coworkers, or community members may not. But if we can truly become friends through these small areas of agreement and connection, they may be able to see that not only do we enjoy these common pleasures with them, but we also enjoy them as fellow humans made in God's image. And as we know where all these good things come from and where to direct our hope and praise, we may point others to that truth as well.

July 18–20, 2025 - Bandersnatch at the Realm Makers Expo in Grand Rapids, Michigan. Learn more
September 24, 2025 - Release of The Song of the Stone Tiger, a middle grade fantasy novel by Glenn McCarty
November 2025 - Release of Joe the Fourth and the King’s Crown, a lower middle-grade novel by Mary Barrows
November 2025 - Release of I’ve Got a Bad Case of Poetry, our illustrated children’s poetry anthology edited by Rachel S. Donahue - Preorder on the Kickstarter Platform

Want to get to know Annie Beth a bit more? Check out this interview with her on our social media!

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“Do I not destroy my enemies when I make them my friends?”
Abraham Lincoln